Thought you'd enjoy this!
>   
>   
>  Fly Qantas
> 
>  After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
> sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
> mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and
> then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let
> it
> be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. 
> 
>  Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'pilots
> (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
> maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline
> that
> has never had an accident. 
> 
>  P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> 
>         S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> 
>  P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> 
>         S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> 
>  P: Something loose in cockpit.
> 
>        S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> 
>  P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> 
>        S: Live bugs on back-order.
> 
>  P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
> descent.
> 
>         S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> 
>  P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> 
>         S: Evidence removed.
> 
>  P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> 
>         S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> 
>  P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> 
>        S: That's what they're for.
> 
>  P: IFF inoperative.
> 
>        S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> 
>  P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> 
>        S: Suspect you're right.
> 
>  P: Number 3 engine missing.
> 
>        S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> 
>  P: Aircraft handles funny.   
> 
>        S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> 
>  P: Target radar hums.
> 
>        S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> 
>  P: Mouse in cockpit.
> 
>        S: Cat installed.
> 
>  And the best one for last.................
> 
>  P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a hammer.
> 
>      S: Took hammer away from midget
>
>
....got this in an email ahd tears in my eyes.......