I posted this once on O.com and I still think its funny!!!!

Zen for those who take life too seriously

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar
territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the
spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like i'm diagonally parked in a parallel
universe.

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

10. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese.

13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

14. Support bacteria. they're the only culture some people
have.

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

18. Get a new car for your spouse. it'll be a great trade!

19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of
payments.

22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? raise my
hand.

23 .. ok, so what's the speed of dark?

24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked something.

26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the
wrong lane.

27. Hard work pays off in the future. laziness pays off
now.

28. Everyone has a photographic memory. some just do not
have film.

29. If barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her
friends?

30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

31. Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked into
jet engines.

32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling
out.

34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so i made your horn
louder.

35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

36. Inside every older person is a younger person wonder-
ing what happened?

37. Just remember - if the world did not suck, we would
all fall off.

38. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.