>> > > >> > > Quickie #1 >> > > >> > > One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed >> > > in a very sexy nightie. >> > > "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." >> > > So he tied her up and went fishing. >> > > >> > > Quickie #2 >> > > >> > > A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and >> > > ran into the house. >> > > She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, >> > > "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!" >> > > The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach >> > > stuff or mountain stuff?" >> > > "Doesn't >> >matter," she said. "Just get the hell out." >> > > >> > > Quickie # 3 >> > > >> > > Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, >> > > and the other is a husband.. >> > > >> > > Quickie #4 >> > > >> > > A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's >> > > license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The >> > > optician showed him a card with the letters: >> > > 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' >> > > "Can you read this?" the optician asked. >> > > "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." >> > > >> > > Quickie #5 >> > > >> > > Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, >> > > "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in >> > > the convent." >> > > "Thank God," said an >> >elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of >> > > chardonnay." >> > > >> > > Quickie #6 >> > > >> > > A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. >> > > Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. >> > > "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my >> > > GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN >> > > THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get >> > > MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! >> > > Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me >> > > when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? >> > > Have you LOST your mind? >> > > Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt >> > > them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!" >> > > The >> >wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? >> > > You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" >> > > The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels >> > > like when I'm driving." >> > > >> > > Quickie #7 >> > > >> > > Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain >> > > man, was drafted by the Army. >> > > On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. >> > > That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. >> > > On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. >> > > That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. >> > > On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army >> > > has been looking for Herman for 51 years !!!
