What are the two reasons that women don't mind their own goddamn business?
1) No mind. 2) No business.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin’ you ain’t told the ho twice already.

What do you call the useless skin around a vagina??
A woman.

What's the best thing about getting a blow job?
The 5 minutes of silence

What's the difference between a girl and a washing machine?
A washing machine doesn't want to cuddle after you drop your load in it.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Whats the funniest part about a woman faking an orgasm?
They think we care.

What do you say to a girl with no tits?
Nothing.

Why don't women need watches?
There’s a clock on the stove.

How do you make a woman have an orgasm?
Who cares?

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why did the woman cross the road?
What the hell was that ho doing out of the kitchen?

What's a Japanese girl's favorite holiday?
Erection day. (think about it)