[Quote]As your demon child willfully pushes and kicks, causing your lady hole to dilate to the size of a drainage pipe, keep your knees locked together at all times. This will give your demanding child a wonderful, early lesson that he can't always have his way. To underscore this valuable disciplinary message, as the devil child flops around, trying to claw its way out to the human world to do Lucifer's bidding, continue to warble in a loud voice, "La la la la la la la I CAN'T FEEL YOU!" [/Quote]
Hey come on, you can't argue with logic like this.
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"The statements and opinions contained in this communication do not necessarily reflect the official position of the Commission regarding these issues."
This has to be a joke, shit, they make Pat Robertson seem like a liberal.
Some of my favorites from "How to tell if your child is Goth":
25-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. 26 -Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) 27-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) 28-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature. 29-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. 30-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. 31-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. 32-Expresses an interest in sex. 33-Masturbates. 34-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. 35-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
They do offer other parenting advice:
The only time boys should wear womens clothes is as a punishment. Let's say a boy cries because he broke his leg or something. Then his father should say, "You cry like a girl!" Then the boy should be dressed in a dress and sent to school so everybody can beat him up for being a sissy. That's how to make boys into men! Every time that kid thinks about crying, he'll remeber the dress and stop. Now this punishment is only for kids up to about 8 years ols. After that age it could be dangerous.
But who can pass up this lovely Reply:
Listen here you Unsaved Moron! Making light jokes of your hopefully near future will not soften the blow as Satan takes your behind in Hell faster than a colored boy does a television set.
DAMN YOU PHOTO! I think I found a new favorite Forum! I can't stop laughing. Can't wait until I get home soo I can register and share a few thoughts with my brethern'
-- Edited by Operator13 at 06:29, 2006-06-11
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"The statements and opinions contained in this communication do not necessarily reflect the official position of the Commission regarding these issues."