One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: Why so glum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Tab and Fresca ... we drink 'til we throw up and then we drink some more! And we don't worry about getting a hangover because we're dead anyway. Guy: Gee, that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it!!
Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer -- no biggie, you're already dead, remember? Guy: Wow...that's awesome!
Satan: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt ... you're dead anyhow.
Satan: What about drugs? Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean... Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares.
Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!
Satan: You gay? Guy: Hell no...
Satan: Ooooh (grimaces), then you're gonna hate Fridays.
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To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
